Anger Management Bella Style
by hy6110327
Summary: Bella shows the Cullen’s her way of anger management- creating stories out of random words! How will they react to this? Book pairings. Bella’s not a vampire. No real set time. Humour, I hope. Rated T to be safe.
1. The Beginning

Summary: Bella shows the Cullen's her way of anger management- creating stories out of random words! How will they react to this? Book pairings. Bella's not a vampire. No real set time. Humour, I hope. Rated T to be safe.

AN- Hello! So, this idea came to me when my friend and I did this. We came up with some crazy stories, all centering on all who we disliked, and a few about us.  I hope that you all will enjoy this. Reviews are appreciated. This is my second story, though I don't encourage you to read the other because the first few chapters are horrible. Let me know if I should continue this story. This chapter is mostly introduces the concept, and how the Cullen's became aware of anger management- Bella style.

-Jay

**Disclaimer: I do not and will never own the Twilight series, and its characters. Stephenie Meyers does. **

Chapter One: Anger Management

I was enjoying Forks. I had an immensely handsome, caring, loving, awesome (the lists goes on and on) boyfriend, I had a protective family, and I had actually gotten around to liking all the green here. I still wouldn't mind temperatures above 60 degrees Fahrenheit every now and again.

Currently, I was watching Emmett and Jasper battle it out on some video game that I had no intention of wanting to know about. All I knew was that it was filled with blood, gore, and more blood. I didn't know who was winning, but it seemed like Emmett was.

Edward had gone to hunt with Carlisle; I supposed Edward wanted to speak to Carlisle- after hunting of course. Rosalie was working on her car. Alice was, well I don't know what she was doing. She was probably thinking of different activities for us to do over the weekend. Every once and a while she would think of these family 'bonding' times. She usually thought of them when Edward wasn't around so she wouldn't have to concentrate on blocking her mind. They usually involved some game where I ended up hurt, a movie with loads of food for me, and then Truth or Dare. Everyone dreaded these nights, but no one dared to cross Alice. Esme was out shopping for groceries- for their cover and my benefit- and gardening supplies.

So, I was stuck with nothing to do except subject myself to watch these two. I would never tell anyone, but I did get a kick out of watching them, and sometimes Edward, play these games. They really engrossed themselves in the game. All of them were poor losers and poor winners. When a game ended it usually started a fight between the loser(s) and the winner. It never ended well.

_SNAP_

I was brought out of my thoughts by a loud snapping noise. I looked over to Jasper and Emmett. They were both in shock. I glanced to see what mesmerized them

"Oh. My. God. Guys. Esme is going to freak out on whoever did this. Which brings me to ask _who_ did do it…?"

"Emmett got mad that I beat him, and his slammed his hands holding the controller still onto the coffee table." Jasper snitched.

"What am I going to do?" By now Emmett had come out of shock. He was practically hyperventilating. Jasper sent out a wave of calm.

"Emmett that table was an antique! How will you replace that? And how will you hide it when Esme is due home any minute?"

"I-I don't know. Help me think of something Bella!"

"Why does Bella need you to think of something, Emmett?" Esme asked.

I'm surprised Jasper or Emmett didn't notice her presence. _I _even noticed her before they did- and they call themselves vampires.

"Well?"

Emmett still didn't respond- idiot! He should at least start begging for forgiveness. By this time Rose and Alice had come in to see what trouble he had caused. I'm sure Alice already knew by her smirk. Finally, Emmett just ran to who knows where- hopefully someplace far away for his sake.

When he ran, Esme was looking at what used to be a coffee table, but was now a pile of rubbish with bits of plastic from the controller. Esme looked murderous. Jasper tried to calm him, but nothing worked.

"He. Is. Dead." Normally sweet and kind Esme spoke lividly using the commonly used human expression. I could see why, that table was from the 1860s! I would have killed Emmett, well destroyed him. Where was Carlisle when you needed him?

"Esme, why don't you sit down?" Alice suggested.

Esme still stood rooted to place. It took Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, and his power for Esme to sit down. Alice looked at me, saying with her eyes for me to say something. She obviously didn't see the outcome otherwise she would have stopped him. Duh, she wouldn't have known because she didn't know how Esme would decide on how to react.

"Esme?"

"Yes, Bella?" Her voice was back to normal, though her eyes said she was otherwise not.

"Do you want to hear how I vent most-if not all- my anger?" I asked the first thing that popped in my head.

"Of course, I would like to hear about your type of anger management." She always wanted to know more about her children, so I knew she would say yes. I didn't need to be Alice to figure that out.

"Well, I have someone give me random words and make stories that make me feel better." I mumbled even though she would hear it perfectly. Stupid vampire enhanced senses.

"You what?" Jasper said. He looked perplexed that anyone would use this type of A.M. (anger management) "How does that help? Wouldn't you rather hit someone?"

"I make up stories that are completely ridiculous. It helps me laugh. Then whenever I that someone tries something again, I can just think of that story and laugh in their face. And did you forget who I am? Ms. Clumsy ring a bell?"

It clicked with him then. I wouldn't stand a chance in a fight; I'd most likely trip walking to punch the person.

"Keep going." Alice whispered loud enough that only I would hear-surprisingly so. She apparently saw that if I continued with this path that Esme would calm down a bit. Well, that's my discernment.

"Esme, why don't we make up a story about Emmett? You can have whatever you want happen to him then, he could even die." She seemed to brighten at that idea. Everyone present tried to stifle their laughs at her face.

"Ok! I'm in. So, you said that someone had to think of words for us?"

"Yeah. Alice, Rosalie? Would you each think of four words?"

"Cookies. Loopy. Bagpipes. Roof." Alice said without even thinking.

"Flying. Sweltering. Concussion. Childhood." Rosalie smirked. She really wanted to hear what we came up with about her husband.

"Bella, I want you to make up the story. I mean you have had experience making them up. I only ask one thing- he either receives extreme pain and/or dies." Esme requested with a malicious smile.

Taken aback by her expression, I merely mumbled a rushed ok. I mean I could see why she might want me to think of something up, but _she_ was supposed to think of it. Oh well. Maybe I will think up a story, and then she can think of her own. This will be good. I can already tell.

"Can you give me a few minutes?" I asked politely. I had thought of the plot line, but I needed to adjust it. Alice started laughing and gave me two thumbs up my way. It _will_ be good…

*****

So, I had finished not fifteen minutes later. It ensured humiliation, chaos, and both of Esme's requests. Though none of it could happen. It's purely fictitious. I must tell them that before I begin. Alice and Rosalie picked tough words for their first time assisting in a story.

"Okay, you can all come back now." I spoke as if they were standing not three feet away. They were all there in a matter of a couple seconds. Alice was bouncing up and down she was so excited. I think that she refuse to watch the whole story play out beforehand. Only seeing what the plot was. Jasper was grinning like a fool because of Alice's emotions. Esme still had that grin on her face from before. Edward and Carlisle hadn't returned from hunting yet. Emmett, God knows where Emmett is.

"So, before I begin this tale, you must take into fact that this is purely fictional. Nothing like this can ever happen without Emmett **not** being a vampire. Does everyone understand?" They all nodded, clearly excited. I am always surprised that they find amusement in the simplest of things. Then again they have all of eternity.

"As most stories of this kind I must begin with the obvious opener. Once upon a time…"

"What's this?" Edward appeared looking bemused.

"Edward!" I ran to him- well fast walked; I did not want to trip- to him. "I missed you so much!"

"Bella! I missed you too!" He said before kissing me. "What has been going on here?" He broke away.

Not wanting the kiss to have ended, I pouted a little before starting to explain to both him and Carlisle who was standing next to Esme.

"Well, in short Emmett broke Esme's 1860 circa coffee table after losing to Jasper in a video game. Esme became really pissed; Emmett ran away and has not been seen since, and now I was about to tell a story about Emmett's demise." I had started out strong, but faded at the end. I still knew they heard every bit.

"Story?" Carlisle and Edward asked in unison.

"I'll let Alice explain." With that said I walked to the kitchen to get some water. I couldn't be there while she explained everything. I was too embarrassed. I heard Alice tell them about my A.M. plan and of how I came to think of a story of Emmett. By the time I returned, the boys were grinning in anticipation.

"I'm sorry that we cut you off by us returning. Please continue, love"

"As I've said before, as most stories of this kind I must begin with the obvious opener. Once upon a time…"

*****

AN2: Yes, I've left a cliff hanger.  Please R+R, and tell me what you think, and if I should continue. I do appreciate criticism.

-Jay


	2. Emmett's Story

AN- So, here is chapter two: Emmett's Story. I hope you enjoy it, and find some humour in it. I'm so sorry for the wait. I've been going non-stop with Musical stuff. Six days a week, five to six hours a night. I'll try to update sooner. Oh, and I mean no hard feelings towards those who love Emmett. And please no flames if you don't like it. Constructive criticism is welcomed.

-Jay

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Twilight, or its characters. Stephenie does. Not I.**

The words from before: sweltering, concussion, childhood, roof, cookies, loopy, bagpipe, and flying.

Previously:

"_As I've said before, as most stories of this kind I must begin with the obvious opener. Once upon a time…"_

Chapter Two: Emmett's Story

"…There was a vampire named Emmett. He was very strong though he was a softie inside. One day Emmett decided to- Now, I must cut in before I continue; in this story vampires can eat, drink, and receive immense pain. Where was I? Oh yeah, Emmett decided to get drunk. He couldn't remember being drunk, and had never thought to try it in all the years since he changed; so he decided to relive this 'human moment.' Emmett went to the grocery store to buy beer. When he entered the sweltering store, the AC had broken that morning, he crashed into Newton." I had decided to put Newton in there for my own benefit. He was grating on my nerves even more so than usual lately. So, it was a win/win for me.

"Emmett plowed into him, and Mike fell to the ground with a presumed concussion. Emmett hardly noticed he was so preoccupied. He made sure Mike wasn't dead before presuming his 'mission.' Once he got to the right aisle he grabbed two thirty packs of some random beer. He rushed to the front of the store to cash out. The front of the store was packed. Mike was unconscious, and people were crowding him waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Emmett in a rush to be home pushed his way through the mob to a register. When no one came to cash him out he threw the money on the counter and ran out the door. Emmett didn't even notice the alarms that went off when he walked out."

******

_After consuming the two cases of beer (drunk beyond drunk)_

"Emmett was in a drunken, loopy state. Emmett had put on the stereotypical bagpipe playing attire: plaid kilt, poof-y shirt, and plaid beret-type thing. Now, you may be wondering why he would be wearing such an outfit. Well, he had decided to give a bagpipe concert for everyone. As you all know, you have to practice before a concert, so he did just that, albeit he sucked tremendously."

"After squeaking on the bagpipes for a while he came up with another plan; cooking: specifically baking chocolate chip cookies! There was only one problem, Emmett had never baked before, and so it was bound to be a disaster."

"While wait for the cookies to bake in the oven (after he made a mess of the kitchen) he tried to think of something to do. After several minutes it hit him- FLYING! His vampire mind suddenly and probably only because of the alcohol, remembered that one of his childhood a dream of his was to fly. He ambled his way up to the roof. Once he got up there, he looked down. Because of the alcohol coursing through his vampire veins he got very dizzy. After some of the vertigo wore off he backed up a tad, ran, and jumped off the roof. He tried flapping his arms like a birds wings. As you all can probably guess it didn't go so well. He crashed into the ground leaving a huge crater. It took him a few moments for the shock to wear off, but once he did he was howling with pain. While vampires could feel pain it only lasts roughly three minutes at the most."

"BRRRING!!! BRRRING!!! The ovens timer sounded signaling the cookies were baked. The noise hurt Emmett's pounding head, so much so that he ran into the kitchen at a drunken vampire speed and smashed the oven, breaking the timer and the oven itself. He went to open the ovens door and ended up crashing his head on the stove. After Emmett rubbed his head he finally took the tray out. The cookies didn't look like cookies. They looked like lumps of clay with black things in it. Emmett was very coherent though, so he gulfed all the cookies down. What. A. Pig. I mean, there had to have been 50 'cookies!' What he didn't know was that when he went to grab the cooking spray he grabbed common household cleaning spray. The cookies he ate became toxic, and he fell unconscious almost immediately."

"Meanwhile, Esme and Carlisle came home and saw what a mess Emmett made of the house. Esme wanted to wring his neck. Carlisle was going to sell his precious jeep. They called for Emmett to come see them. When he didn't come, Esme went into her kitchen and saw the chaos that was the kitchen. While she was thinking of ways to kill Emmett, she saw him just laying there on the floor. After waiting to see if he'd get up, she called Carlisle into the kitchen. He went over to check Emmett, and concluded he was unconscious and said he'd wake up in a little bit. Because after all they were still vampires…"

"To conclude this little tale, Esme didn't kill Emmett, but she and Carlisle did punish him a great deal. He had to fix up all the damage that he did to the house, he could never drink again, and he couldn't drive his jeep for six months. To further the pain Esme and Carlisle let me drive the jeep whenever I wanted to. All in all, everyone lived happily ever after: except Emmett."

The End

AN2: There you have it. Again I'm sorry for the wait! So should I continue this little series? With other characters starring in the stories? Thanks everyone!

-Jay


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